No. It’s a word I’ve always had trouble saying; simply put, I suck at asserting myself. I tend to put my own needs last, failing to acknowledge that I have limits. I love pleasing others, which can sometimes be a valuable trait, but too often, it wreaks havoc on my sanity.
I have two jobs this summer: an unpaid internship with the nutrition department at a local hospital, and a babysitting gig. The weekly plan was to babysit and intern two days each, and use the final day for everything else- apartment hunting, wedding activities, cooking, visiting Mike in NYC and seeing friends. Somehow though, I found myself agreeing to babysit three long shifts this week, leaving little time to intern, finalize bridal shower details for Sunday, begin the apartment search and plan my dad’s birthday dinner. Don’t get me wrong- the girls I babysit for are adorable little angels that I love spending time with, but it’s just too much. There’s no point in biting off more than I can chew just to please someone else; it’s no fair to me or the girls to be tired and frustrated on the job.
After a few stress-filled tears on the rush hour drive home today, I realized what I have to do: just say no. They’re not pressuring me into taking more days- I just find myself agreeing as soon as they mention it! This summer, my internship at the hospital is my number one priority. I may not get paid for it, but in the long run, the whole experience will be far more beneficial than the money I make babysitting. I need stand my ground and insist that two days is all I can do. They are a wonderful, caring family and I already know that they will be far more understanding of my decision than I am myself…I need to remember that it’s not weak to state my priorities. Be, assertive, be, be assertive!
Whew! Onto the eats…
Breakfast was a bowl of TJ’s High Fiber O’s, fresh raspberries and almond milk:
Mid-morning I snacked on a chocolate decadence Vega bar. I just started reading Thrive by Vega founder Brendan Brazier- I’ll post a review when I’m done.
Lunch was a container of overnight oats packed from home. This contained 1 large mashed banana, ¾ c oats, ½ c almond milk, 1 scoop Sun Warrior vanilla protein powder, half a pint of blueberries and a heaping spoonful of Maranatha almond butter. Sun Warrior has quickly become my favorite protein powder- the ingredients, stats and taste are all great!
Afternoon snackage included a handful of marcona almonds and a sugar-free Edy’s popsicle. Enjoying one with the kids was such a nice reminder of my childhood!
I was starving when I got home, so I threw together an easy salad beast. In the ‘tup: half a bag of spinach, two plum tomatoes, half a hothouse cucumber, two handfuls of baby carrots, a can of salmon and mustard. A sandwich thin provided some whole-grain action.
My two-part dessert included an apple and four squares of Lindt black currant chocolate. Delicious. Dark chocolate always makes the stress melt temporarily away J
This evening I’m hanging with the parentals and getting to bed super early. My apologies for being behind in commenting this week- I’m reading as much as I can, and can’t wait to have a little more free time to catch up with everyone! I miss y’all J Have a wonderful night and great hump day!
Are you a people pleaser, or are you good at asserting yourself? Do you find yourself saying “yes” more often than you have time for? Any tips for me?
What’s your favorite protein powder?
43 comments:
I really like TJs protein powder. Its delicious!
I have a hard time saying no too! I always do things for others first, just who I am. Some call it being a push over...doesn't matter, I have to learn to say no too! The thing is to really stop and think, am I going to be happy doing this?? Just take deep breaths, everything will work out!!!
Favorite protein powder - I am a Vega girl!
Oh girl, I'm the same way! I hate disappointing people so badly that I just can't say no. But you are right, you HAVE to! For your own sanity! It's YOUR life after all, you if you're not happy with your life, what's the point? And after you practice being assertive, it will get easier with time :)
No worries about commenting, you are SUPER busy!! Your dinner sounds delicious!
Love you girl! Deep breaths :)
I am also such a people pleaser. It has plagued me my entire life. I need to stop that garbage.
Oh I'm absolutely horrible at being assertive. I've gotten a lot better in the past little while, but I used to suffer so much stress in my attempts to please others that it drove me to my breaking point on several occasions. I've come to realize, though, that it's simply not worth it. Like you said, you're not doing yourself or anyone else any favors by running yourself ragged. People are a lot more understanding than we give them credit for, and in the end, everyone is better off if no one is reduced to tears. Big hugs for you, hun. You did the right thing by asserting yourself and saying no. You need to realize how wonderful you are and take pride in that :)
As for protein powders, we don't have a lot up here in Canada, so the only one I've come across that doesn't have a lot of junk in it is Proteins+ by Genuine Health. I really like it, though, so I guess I lucked out :)
Have a wonderful night, girlie!
im most definately a pleaser:-/ it used to be a even bigger problem in hs and grade school and everyone would walk all over me and say whatever they wanted.id never say anything and then come home from school and burst out in tears from all the stress id been holding in. but, thanks to massive amts of therapy, im starting to get better.
ps chocolate makes everything better.thats for sure:-)xoxoxoxo
I am so you it's crazy. I hate putting myself first. And as far as saying no if it means missing out on something? I HATE IT.
and mmm overnight oats. I need some of that yummyness!
xo-Molly
Gah - I'm awful at saying no, too. I always try to please, and am learning this summer that you're never going to make everyone happy - and there's no use making yourself unhappy just to try and change others' opinions. It's what makes the world go 'round, I think :) Sounds like you made the right decision, though. Good for you!
And I've been loving Tera's Whey protein powders :)
Hope you have a great day tomorrow - and remember you're making the right choice, for you and the girls :)
Oh my gosh, this post so hits home with me. I have SO MUCH trouble saying no to people, and then I end up stressing myself out over it and getting really angry at myself AND the asker! Being assertive and saying no can be tough, but it definitely pays off in the end.
Sorry to hear about all the stress! Don't forget this is your summer vaca too - be sure to get plenty of "Me" time in :)
I'm a people pleaser but at the same time I have no problem putting myself first. If I don't, who will, you know?! Have a relaxing evening and an even better Wednesday, pooks!
yes girl i'm exactly the same way! its really hard! i completely feel ya.. hang in there and keep truckin on! :) its almost hump day! woop!
Oh gosh, I can TOTALLY relate. I feel like it's easier to just say "yes" to things than to risk feeling guilty for saying no...which is a totally skewed way of looking at things. The thing is, here we are trying to please people, yet it seems as though most people prefer and have more respect for those who are assertive...especially in the work place. Does that make sense? haha. The bottom line is that you're doing the right thing by recognizing this habit and working on changing it. I'm sure your life will be much less stressful as a result!!
I have been a people pleaser my whole life. When i was young I had a lady I used to babysit for yell at me for being a people pleaser! She wasn't trying to be mean - I think she was just trying to get me to realize it. I'm getting better the older I get I can tell. Love Sun Warrior!! Its so delicious. Get some rest! xo
PS - I will be attending HLS too! Looking forward to meeting you!!
I've had this same battle, and it finally came down to this - when do I get to be happy and stop putting other people's happiness first?! I feel like we're so pressured to be NICE and POLITE, doing everything we can for others without thinking about the mental breakdown that will ultimately come with all of the stress. Good for you for having this breakthrough - it's amazing how saying NO will let you say yes to a whole lot more that you will actually want to do!
Good for your girlie! Stand up for yourself and don't let them pile extra hours on you! OMG this post just made me SO hungry lol.
I completely empathize with you! I can be the same way. I want to help and yes, yes, yes - but then I'm stressed out and spread to thin and don't have fun for the important stuff that matters - like Austin and Reuben! :)
I constantly find myself biting off more than I can chew, so I understand the frustration and stress you are feeling. Already at my internship this summer I'm scared that I am over promising to project managers on a daily basis, I just dont ever want to turn in work that isn't up to my best standards.
Good luck with everything, I know you will find the balance!
First and foremost - those raspberries are absolutely stunning!! And yeah, I can be a people pleaser. It'd been a trend with me...for as long as I can remember. However, I'm trying to be more assertive!
great job realizing that it's ok to say no. i've had this problem before but realize how stressed i get when i say yes to too many things and become miserable! you do what's best for you love! :D
just say no! well done in recognizing that you want to be more assertive. i have the same problem. also, i know im super behind, but i love the new look!
Aw, girl - you ARE busy!! I can't offer any advice on saying "no" since I can't do it myself. I am the ULTIMATE people pleaser. People tell me it gets easier with age...but I haven't learned the art yet. Stick to your guns! Say no! Your time is just as valuable as anyone else's.
The older I get the better I am at saying no. When I was your age, I instantly just ended up saying yes..even though I didnt want to or mean it..it just came out People mistake my smile and kindness for a yes. That still happens. I have to consciously HOLD BACK and not say yes. I want to give and to help and to please, but can't always and sometimes, i dont want to! Part of me does but not all of me.
It carries over into blogging too. I get suckered into answering questions, problems, dealing w/ crap that i dont want to! Never asked for it and somehow get roped in but am backing off of it, totally.
You are so right about the internship..THAT is your priority, period. Nice family, but they will be fine if you do 2 days not 3. Remember i said you were that woman's dream come true...and in just 2 short weeks, yep, she is kinda milking you. Just say no girl :)
Hi Doll!!! I am totally on the same page with you here. I ALWAYYYSSS over commit and sometimes make plans knowing that I'll probably back out because I feel bad saying no. Sooo ya, I need to work on that - asap. I've been getting better but still need some practice LOL.
What exactly is a hothouse cumcumber??? It sounds pretty fantasticcc.
Have a great day love!!! Keep up the good work with your internship and do whats best for YOU. Without the internship there'd be no need to babysit (cause I'm sure you'd accept a paying job).
Have a great HUMP DAY love!!!!! XOXOXOX
I am a people pleaser, too. It's a stressful trait, especially when you don't put your own needs first. It's something that I constantly have to work on. The one trick I have found that helps is to ask myself "Do I really want to do this?" and if the answer is "No" I try to give myself some slack in doing what I desire.
Trying to please everyone just isn't worth all that extra stress. It's most important that you please yourself first. I'm glad you realized this! :)
I hope you find some time to relax girl. It sounds like you need a well-deserved break!!
I am SO awful at saying no. I am a people pleaser to a T - even though I've learned how to say no I don't like to do it, and so my "no's" are very few and far in between. I had to say no to the woman I babysit for yesterday because she asked me literally last minute to watch her kids and I couldn't do it, but I then jumped through hoops (unnecessarily) to try to find a replacement for me -when she already had one. Sigh! It's about learning to put yourself first, which is so hard!
I tried that Vega bar this week! I really liked it!!
PS - if you do come to NYC you know I'm here girl! The other day at yoga I met a kid who's a junior at NYU and he told me he was looking for a roommate and an apartment, I almost suggested you haha.
Oh I'd say 99.9% of people reading this post are people pleasers. It's in our nature. I have a wedding to attend THIS WEEKEND, and I've yet to ask off work because I just hate to cause any sort of stir whatsoever.
One thing that's helped me in the past with these situations is simply to imagine I'm the other person. For instance, if I were my boss, and my boss were me, and he asked if he could take the weekend off to go to his college roommate's wedding, would I be mad at him? Angry with him? Annoyed? Um, no. None of the above.
JUST SAY NO, Gab! :)
I find it really hard to say no also. I've gotten better at it as I've gotten older though, moreso when it's related to social stuff. No longer do I say yes to every event I get invited to, but I do still feel like a people pleaser.
I tend to overwork myself too. Saying yes to any opportunity to get experience and make money--I mean, I just and my first day off in 3 weeks Saturday! Sometimes you just need to say no and save your sanity. And I think it makes you time seem more valuable to your employer if they know they can't "abuse" your time.
Such a people pleaser! I want to make everyone happy, and in doing so, I often overwork myself. I understand the predicament but it sounds like you are handling it with maturity and grace. Glad to hear your summer internship is working out-what an amazing opportunity! Have fun!
i've gotten MUCH better at doing what i want to do -- i feel pretty balanced about the whole thing now. took a long time, but you can do it, too!
i eat a popsicle almost every day - my roommate and i cannot get enough of them! the perfect icy treat in this sweltering heat. that could be a slogan, just sayin'.
I had the same problem with a family I nannied for the last year college. I was a full time student and cross country athlete..AND babysitter..it was too rough and I had no time to breathe, let alone socialize! I can relate as a fellow people pleaser as well...saying no is hard!
I think you are definitely making the right decision because your internship definitely is priority! Hope everything works out well lady!
Aw babe it can be so easy to spread yourself too thin! I know what its like to want to please everyone, but really sometimes you just need to be selfish and put yourself first! You are right too...the experience of your internship is invaluable!
Oh goodness I have SO much trouble saying no, and just asserting myself in general. I often let people walk all over me and then get sad about it. It is a part of my cycle of depression that I'm working on overcoming! Glad you were able to recognize it and are moving forward and putting your foot down. :) I really want to try the SunWarrior. Do you get it online? I usually use WF vanilla whey since it's cheap and tastes fine. Happy Wednesday my friend!
I think it's great that you are learning to be assertive now. I wish I were more assertive and it's something I am constantly practicing! I am such a people pleaser that I have to remind myself if I don't take care of myself, I won't be able to help others!
I don't have much protein powder these days, but TJ's hemp protein is pretty good for a hemp powder.
I think I am a people-pleaser too! I just want people to like me :)
aww girl I totally hear ya on this one...its not that you dont want to babysit and be around them, but you feel bad saying no. When I aws in middl school i was always a people pleaser to other 'cooler' girls, then as I got older I realized I had to be an advocate for myself and not always do things just to say yes. I began to agree only If i was truly into it. stand up for yourself!!
I am a sun warrior girl all the way!!!
I'm bad at saying no too and always take on too much. Like yesterday I agreed to bake cakes for work so was doing that all evening. It was too much. Maybe talk to the parents and see if you can agree a timetable with them that isn't so full. Loving your eats too!
I had this same problem back in March. It led me to cut back some hours at work, and I started volunteer with an organization that I really love. Doing what your heart says is always the most important thing.
I never do protein powders other than the Amazing Chocolate Meal, but I usually just prefer and strong shot of wheat grass.
I can def relate to this! I try to overload everything and end up getting wayyy too busy. It helps to write down priorities, schedules, goals etc and go from there though!
yumm I love vega!!
I'm glad you're going to be more assertive because you're right, that's *a lot* to take on. And girl, people in my position would kill for that internship opportunity so soak it up while you can!
My favorite protein powder is Jay Robb's chocolate brown rice protein. But I've also heard Sun Warrior is really good!
Saying no is SO MUCH easier said than done. I used to be a complete pushover, and over the past few years I've become a stronger person and been able to be more honest with my feelings and say no, or whatever the case may be. But ever since I started a new job back in Jan. I have found myself overly concerned with pleasing everyone and NOT being able to say no. I know I need to put myself first, but it's actually doing it thats the hard part. I think it's awesome that you've realized what you want, and that you Can say no!!
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